The first part: Tensing muscles
If you think that all you need to do is to spread your legs and just “lie there” in order to be relaxed, know that you actually need to tense up in the lower part of your body. If you are having problems in having your first orgasm, it is most likely because you have not yet learned to contract the muscles in your leg, abdomen and legs.
If you want to know the muscles in particular that need to be tensed, feel your body when aroused for sex. It is a common experience that the lower pelvis has the most active muscles and they are the same which you need to use for consciously stopping urine flow. Tensing of muscles has the effect of increasing the blood flow to most body parts which include the genitals. Arousal is the starting point or the initiating factor.
The second part: Keep your brain relaxed
Your brain should only be engaged in feeling the sensations of sensual arousal. If you are preoccupied or your thoughts are wandering away from sex, the process of orgasm would be interrupted partly if not completely. You need to learn to keep the muscles tensed while the mind relaxed. A good way of doing that can be to imagine a billboard with words going from left to right with a message that is helpful in arousal, such as “I will go through this time”. You can master this with practice.
Problems in having an orgasm
Sex is not as satisfying for both men and women in the absence of orgasm. There can be physical as well as psychological reasons for not having an orgasm, such as:
Relationship issues.
Boredom in sex.
Embarrassment or being too shy in having sex.
Physical or emotional suffering, such as sexual abuse or rape.
Medical conditions that have an effect on hormones or nerves.
Side effect of medications, in particular certain antidepressants.
Lack of sex education about orgasms and what suits you the best.
For these problems, you will need to take specialised medical treatment. You may still try to follow the method of having an orgasm mentioned above, especially if emotional reasons are behind your orgasm problem.
